NOW IS THE TIME TO
BE A PARENT TO YOUR PARENTS
How many of you have parents that are irritating or irritable? Selfish and manipulative? Drunks, drug abusers or chronic suburban pill-poppers? How many of you have parents, or a parent, that cares more about their money, job, business, pets, love life, cars, property, health, image, status, or their spouses -- more than they care about your talents, health, or happiness? How many of you have parents that are loving, kind, and supportive, but are so oblivious and distant to what you even do in life? How many of you feel like you love your parents more than they love you, or vice versa?
Many of us have exaggerated misconceptions on how our parents are supposed to behave. Many of us expect our parents to match the standards we see on TV and in magazines. We expect them to be perfect, and to fit this delusional "mold" where they're supposed to love us unconditionally and look after us into adulthood, or until we die.
Some of us find ourselves envying others that have moms and dads that seem perfect and wholesome, and overtime, we end up growing bitter towards our own parents for not matching up to the "normalcy" of other families. Yet, not a single parent on this earth is perfect. After all, they are still human. No human is perfect, so don't expect your parents to be either.
The Truth is, after giving birth to you, your parents owe you nothing more. They do not owe you a new car, an education, a new house, happiness, protection, or eternal security. They've already given you more than anybody on this planet could possibly give you -- and that's the gift of life. If anything, YOU OWE THEM. And they owe you absolutely nothing more than already granting you the greatest gift of all.
Do not blame your parents for your failures, or theirs. Do not blame them for not supporting your dreams, or supporting the family. Never blame them for being the wrong parent or a lousy parent. Do not blame them for being alcoholics, verbal or physical abusers, losers, selfish, childish, weird, or for being disconnected if they are. Do not ever blame them for not giving you good advice, the right advice, guiding you, or financing your houses and dreams. Do not blame them for not directing you, pushing you in life, or even holding you close. Do not look at the past or dwell on hurt memories. Do not be mad at them for leaving you in the car in the blistering heat as a kid, or for never attending your games or plays. Leave all the hurt behind and only look forward. Here's why.
Since Biblical times, men and women married super early. Gandhi married at 13, and that same practice of early marriage still exists in the Middle East, Africa, and the Far East. In many holy books it's written that man is to set foot on his own to discover the world at an early age - boyhood. Even if you study nature, young animals go off into the world to find their own food and have to protect themselves from prey -- only days, weeks, or months after they are born. There's no such thing as springing off in teenhood. In America, the law dictates that the young are considered independent adults at 18. That's dysfunctional if you think about it.
In this age, we are programmed to develop LATE. Whatever happened to boys setting out to discover life at 11 or 13? Unfortunately, we are being dumbed down as generations progress. Systems are designed and enforced to keep kids busy. To have everyone go off to explore the world at such early ages would produce a lot of well-rounded, awakened, and intelligent citizens - and not a government on earth would want that.
Now let's return to the subject of our parents. Crazy people, killers, prostitutes, schizophrenics, and delusional people can all have children! Insecure, selfish, lazy, and self-destructive people can also have children. Insecure heartbroken women with tissues and immature men with issues -- can bring children into the world. These people could be your parents! None of our parents were perfect when we were born and they sure as hell aren't, or will be, perfect now.
If you are not with the right person, BE the right person. If your parent is not the ideal parent, always BE the ideal son or daughter -- regardless. Some of us had to tolerate a lot of misery growing up in dysfunctional homes. So what? That misery, neglect, and abuse is what has turned many of us into the strong people we have become today. Believe it or not, everything balances out. Those that came from perfect homes, may have seemed to have been perfect, but were not. Those mothers that tended to their kid's every need, suffocated their kid to death! While the parent that didn't tend to ANYTHING, gave their kid the freedom the suffocated kid only dreamed of. Trust me, it all works out in the end. Study every home situation of all your friends and you will know what I mean. Life may be not be fair, but God is. Believe it.
Starting today, not only will you be the right daughter or son, you will start parenting your parents. Yes, the time has come. It doesn't matter if your parent was cruel and cold with you in your youth or even now, for you are not doing it for them. You are doing it to be the BETTER person. We look at our parents as being normal healthy beings, but those with negative traits may have a mental deficiency you ignored while growing up. Why? Because you were too busy comparing them to everyone else. When you were young, you naturally looked up to your parents because it's part of Nature's programming for everyone to behave that way. And now that you're grown up, you can finally look at them in a truer light. You see all their beauty and flaws from a different more mature angle. Wise up. Again, they're only imperfect human beings -- just like you.
The table has now turned and it's time for YOU to start taking care of them as if they're now the kid. Take good care of them. Love them as you always wanted to be loved. Give them the attention you always craved. Even if they gave you all that, give them MORE. Be good always. Everything you always expected and demanded from them, they probably wanted it from someone too, and there's nothing wrong for them demanding that for themselves also. By raising you, many denied themselves happiness. Be fair. Put yourself in their shoes. For all their faults, narrow in on the source that could have created their negative issues.
Starting today, don't be selfish. Be selfless. Here is an exercise that will reveal to you an innocence that you would have never imagined could be revealed through one of your parents. After you do this simple measure, you will see a side of them that will change your perception of them once and forever. No matter how bad they were with you, please try this.
While you are casually hanging around one of your parents, pet your mom or dad on the head the same way you would pet a cat or dog. Yes, I'm serious. Start at the front of their forehead and pull back their hair lovingly so you can feel their scalp each time you stroke them on the head. Keep gently pulling back and back until their their eyelids flutter and they've looked up at the ceiling more than a couple times. Do this with absolute tenderness and love.
What you just did was transmit the purest form of love to your parents. And believe it or not, only their own flesh and blood could ever give them this kind of true love. For a second, you will sense a childish look in their eyes, almost as if they're supremely relaxed and hypnotized by your touch. Why? Because nobody has ever done that to them since they were a kid - if they had affectionate loving parents. But even so, it's still rare. That's why I encourage you all to do it.
Cats purr when they are rubbed that way. Dogs love it. Humans also crave to be touched with love. Pet your parent on the head no matter how rough and stubborn they are. What you see then feel could bring a tear to your eye - if you do it right.
This is the first step in jump-starting a new cycle in your renewed relationship with your parents. Some of you are already good with your parents, but I want you to be even better. From now on, YOU will be the ideal loving parent to your parents. If you do it selflessly, and go the extra mile without complaining, you will receive extra rewards from heaven. Always do what's right no matter how hard it may be. Your actions will demonstrate to the Divine that you are forgiving, patient, tolerant, grateful for life, and a model family member. You may not have obeyed your parents when you were younger, but you are now obeying the command of the cosmic universe. Believe it.
I do.
By Suzy Kassem
